Penulis dibawah menulis sesuatu yang logik dan menganalisa perhubungan sesama manusia ditempat kerja, di rumah dan dengan kawan.
Saya setuju dengan apa yang ditulisnya.
Orang yang baik tidak akan melukan dan menikam serta membuli serta mengambil kesempatan dari kita.
Persahabatan yang baik dan positif bukan melukakan dan menikam serta mengutuk orang dari belakang.. ianya mengambil kire perasaan dan sensitivity rakan kita...dsbnya..
Saya ada kawan baru , bukan main lagi kalau datang bawa itu ini.. kenal juga dgn kawan lagi satu.. kemudian dia membawa mulut menyucuk kawan saya ini. kami kenal lebih lama dari minah yang baru ini.
Mula mula kawan saya yang kenal lama ini termakan adu domba si minah ni.. tapi selepas seketika, selepas saya tolak si minah jauh jauh, langsung takde modal dia nak bawa mulut pada saya.. persahabatan saya yg renggang dan tegang dengan kawan lama ini kembali pulih. Kami tidak lah bercerita apa atau buat post mortem, cuma senyap senyap sajalah..
Persahabatan dan perasaan ambil berat dan pujian perlu ikhlas....Bukan mengahrap benda dan hadiah semata.. dapat hadiah puji melambung.. kalau tak dapat apa apa puji tak kawan tu?
Kalau kenal lama boleh lah minta..kalau baru kenal beberapa ketika ...?
Fikirkanlah...
:The secret to happy relationships: PAUL MCKENNA explains how to feel secure and confident at home, at work and with friends:
::It’s the book that promises to change your life and all this week we’ve been running extracts from Paul McKenna’s I CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY. Each day Paul tackles a different happiness-related issue — so it’s not too late to start picking up his tips. Today, he explains how — using simple techniques — you can enrich your life with fulfilling friendships.
Paul McKenna says that by making yourself smile or laugh every day you can become happier
One of the surest ways to increase your happiness is by sharing it. And there’s a good reason for this. Fundamentally, human beings are herd animals — so putting a smile on someone else’s face rewards the deep sense of community that’s hard-wired into all of us.
Indeed, scientists have found that when we’re in a group of people with something in common, the sense of being in a herd causes a rise in our levels of the happiness hormone serotonin.
Being genuinely kind or helpful or polite creates a sense of community, which is why we often feel good performing an act of kindness, whether for a close friend or a stranger.
When we act in this way, we’re like radio stations transmitting our emotional state by means of thousands of little non-verbal signals in our posture, breathing, expression and movement.
At the same time, we’re also picking up other people’s emotional signals. This means we literally sense each other, even if we never actually touch each other at all.
If you’re at loss to know what would be a kind way to behave, just try to see things from the other person’s point of view.
For example, you might come across a tourist looking lost. If you put yourself in her shoes, you’ll see that you might improve her view of your whole city by taking two minutes to give her directions or tell her about a good restaurant.
If you’re working with someone who’s getting difficult and defensive, ask yourself: ‘What would help him feel better? What does this person need to hear to feel appreciated and empowered?’
I explained all of this once to a colleague, who then concluded that it probably also made good commercial sense. If he was nicer to all the people who worked for him, he mused, they’d be happier, more confident and more productive. So he’d get more out of them.
He, therefore, quite cynically decided to act more friendly towards his employees. And the result was that they became more friendly to him.
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Indeed, he admitted to me a few months later that he’d ended up genuinely liking and appreciating them all. So, in spite of his selfish motives, he’d become emotionally richer just by actively being nice to other people.
This illustrates a fundamental principle of happiness: if you want to have friends, be one to others.
The essence of friendship isn’t grand gestures, but kindness and caring. So being a friend doesn’t mean helping everyone all the time or endlessly buying presents.
It means small expressions of appreciation in everyday contexts and random acts of kindness. It means being sensitive and open to your friends, but not insisting that they’re immediately the same with you.
It means leaving the door open to friendship, not dragging people in. And, occasionally, it even means closing the door.
And that’s not all. Research has shown that laughter also boosts the immune system and helps the body clear out toxins. Which means that by laughing a lot, you’ll have better digestion, fewer colds and fewer bouts of flu.
Birds of a feather: Like attracts like, which is why happy people tend to gather happy friends easily
UNHAPPY FRIENDS
Happy people make friends easily — and like attracts like, so happy people tend to gather happy friends.
Unfortunately, ‘misery loves company’, as the saying goes, so unhappiness can bring the wrong sort of friends into our lives.
People feel more secure when they share the same views as the people they’re with. This holds true even if their views are making them miserable, which is why unhappy people often act as though they’re trying to defend their unhappiness.
They don’t actually want to be unhappy — they just feel insecure about letting go of beliefs they’ve got used to. So they end up spending all their time talking about their problems.
In the long term, they do need help, but endless sympathy won’t help them or you. If they’re not yet ready to make the necessary changes, you just have to stand back.
There are three simple questions that will help you identify which friends you want to keep and which you want to leave behind.
For each of your friends, look back over the time you’ve known them and ask yourself:
Does this person take my energy up or does he/she/they take my energy down?
After I’ve seen him/her, do I generally feel better or worse?
Overall, do both of us feel happier and enriched by our friendship?
Here are some techniques that will help you deal with the people in your life who bring you down. Each of these will help you to keep your distance from them when you feel it’s necessary.
HELPING OTHERS
When you’re truly kind to yourself, you’re in a great position to be kind and helpful to others.
There’ll be no hidden agenda in your relationships.
You won’t be trying to get other people to make you happy — because you already are.
Happiness is a bit like love. The
more you give it away, the more you’ll get in return.
A HEALTHY DISTANCE
1. If someone consistently brings you right down, stay away from him (or her). If at all possible, cut him out of your life entirely. You don’t have to feel guilty about this because you’ve already tried to help him.
Strangely, when someone is very needy or very down, he can only actually use a very little help. If you give him more than that, it simply goes to waste. Just let him go, and he may even find what he needs in the space you create by leaving him.
2. A lot of difficulties in friendships arise because one person believes he/she has a good idea.
Whether through pleading, neediness or sheer enthusiasm, he drags you into doing something you don’t want to do.
There’s no point getting into an argument or a long discussion with him, so practise saying these three phrases until they come to your lips automatically: ‘I can’t decide right now — I’ll get back to you.’ ‘So where does that leave you?’ ‘What’s the best solution here for everyone?’
These questions will give you time to decide what you really want. And if you really like the idea, you can return to your friend later and agree.
3. If you find yourself in the company of people who’ve taken advantage of you in the past, or who make you feel uneasy or drained, imagine that you’re surrounded by a shield of white light.
If you want to let someone or something in, you can choose to do so. Otherwise, just imagine all their feelings and intentions and ideas being stopped by the shield. Then you can think about them at your leisure and make your own reply in your own time
This works on two levels. Psychologically, it creates an emotional boundary. And, at a very subtle level, the micro-muscular movements of your non-verbal signalling will convey that you’re safe, confident and protected.
RETURN TO SENDER
If you’re feeling fine, but your mood plunges after meeting someone, it’s a reasonable guess that the bad feeling came from that person.
Next time you think that someone’s dumped their feelings on you, use this technique to free yourself and get rid of feelings that don’t belong to you.
1. Notice where you get the bad feeling in your body.
2. Imagine a shape and a colour for it.
3. Then imagine moving it out of your body and holding it in front of you.
4. Imagine wrapping it up like a parcel.
5. Now, imagine launching it from a catapult with such force that it goes flying away over the horizon.
6. Notice how you feel. If there are any other leftover bits of feeling lying around, do the same again until you feel comfortable.
ATTRACTING HAPPINESS
Over the past three decades, psychologists have conducted research to find the factors that determine happiness.
After tracking people over many years, they discovered that lots of happy people were in long-term relationships.
Therefore, they concluded, long-term relationships make you happy. Indeed, some of the researchers even went so far as to say that marriage makes you happy.
However, as the years went by and they analysed more data, they discovered that this wasn’t quite correct.
It wasn’t being in a long-term relationship, or being married, that made you happy. In fact, people who were happy attracted long-term relationships into their life.
So it was not relationships that were making them happy — it was that happy people were making long-lasting relationships.
This finding was reinforced by a major study which ran over 16 years and showed that people who were happiest in their relationships were also happy before they’d even met their partners.
The consequence of all this research is very clear: being happy with yourself is the best preparation for a happy long-term relationship.
CHANGING PICTURES
Now, think of someone who’s upset you a lot in the past. To reduce the emotional impact of their behaviour, we’re going to use a different technique.
The overall principle is this: images that are bigger, brighter and bolder have greater emotional intensity than those that are duller, dimmer and further away.
1. Think of the person who made you unhappy. Imagine his/her face in front of you. Notice the uncomfortable feeling that person created in you.
2. Imagine moving the image about
12ft away.
3. Shrink the image of his/her face until it’s small.
4. Drain all the colour out of the image so it’s black and white.
5. Make it transparent.
6. Now, make it fade out and disappear.
7. Notice how different you feel. By changing how you were picturing this person in your mind, you’ve altered the emotional effect of that memory. You’ve changed how you feel about him/her and reduced the effect he/she can have on you in the future.
8. Now do this exercise three more times with three more pictures of people or situations that have upset you in the past.
LEARNING TO LOVE YOURSELF
When you’re happy with yourself, someone else is more able to be happy with you.
You can see why this is true if you imagine the situation from the point of view of, for example, your partner. If you’re not at ease with yourself, you’ll be edgy and difficult to live with. And that undermines your relationship. So, in order to relate well to others, you must first relate well to yourself — which means that you need to have a good self-image.
You must have enough confidence in yourself to make whole-hearted decisions. At the same time, you must be kind and sensitive enough to accept and respect your own vulnerabilities.
For most of us, though, there are knocks and setbacks in our past that damage our ability to have a good self-image.
Sometimes, these events have caused deep hurt — so painful that psychological mechanisms in our brain have blocked them off. It’s as though we’re disowning a part
of ourselves.
This next exercise, which can bring about the most wonderful transformation, will help to heal those wounds. It’s the best way to set yourself up for a healthy romantic relationship, and it’s also one of the most healing and rewarding things you can do if you’re on your own or have recently split up with a partner.
Some people, when they read through the exercise for the first time, have told me they’d feel silly doing it, because it involves talking to and holding your younger self.
But every single one of my clients who’ve used this exercise has later commented on how powerful it was. And, strangely, it was those who felt most awkward about it at first who experienced the most profound changes.
HEALING YOUR YOUNGER SELF
1. Remember a time in the past, as long ago as you wish, when you were struggling or unhappy.
2. Picture the scene as an old black-and-white film on a TV screen, and stop the action at the point where your younger self was feeling really bad.
3. Now, imagine that, just like a special effect in a movie, you can float into the scene and speak directly to your younger self.
4. Tell your younger self that you’re from the future and that everything’s going to be fine.
5. Tell your younger self that you love and value him/her completely.
6. Tell your younger self that you’ve survived, and anything else you know now about the unhappy situation that will help him/her feel better about it.
7. Now, vividly imagine reaching out and comforting your younger self by embracing or holding him/her until you feel really warm and loving and you sense that your younger self has felt and accepted your love and appreciation.
8. Finally, place your younger self in your heart so that you can continue to feel that love.
Extracted from I CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY by Paul McKenna, published by Bantam at £10.99.
© 2011 Paul McKenna::
Paul McKenna says that by making yourself smile or laugh every day you can become happier.
ATTRACTING HAPPINESS
Over the past three decades, psychologists have conducted research to find the factors that determine happiness.
After tracking people over many years, they discovered that lots of happy people were in long-term relationships.
Therefore, they concluded, long-term relationships make you happy. Indeed, some of the researchers even went so far as to say that marriage makes you happy.
However, as the years went by and they analysed more data, they discovered that this wasn’t quite correct.
It wasn’t being in a long-term relationship, or being married, that made you happy. In fact, people who were happy attracted long-term relationships into their life.
So it was not relationships that were making them happy — it was that happy people were making long-lasting relationships.
This finding was reinforced by a major study which ran over 16 years and showed that people who were happiest in their relationships were also happy before they’d even met their partners.
The consequence of all this research is very clear: being happy with yourself is the best preparation for a happy long-term relationship.
HELPING OTHERS
When you’re truly kind to yourself, you’re in a great position to be kind and helpful to others.
There’ll be no hidden agenda in your relationships.
You won’t be trying to get other people to make you happy — because you already are.
Happiness is a bit like love. The more you give it away, the more you’ll get in return.
article written by Paul Mckenna taken fr Dmail with thanks