Fakta fakta analisa oleh Paul McKenna boleh kita gunakan didalam kehidupan harian didalam mencari keharmonian didalam diri kita denagn manusia dsbnya...
::Paul McKenna’s fabulous new book I Can Make You Happy. Each day he has shown you different ways to enhance your life. In the final part, he explains the value of happiness . . .
Sooner or later, if you did things only for pleasure, you’d be left feeling: ‘Is this all there is?’ You’d even get bored with caviar and champagne if that’s all you had to eat and drink.
And don’t forget that one bar of chocolate may be delicious, but two bars are not twice as nice and 100 bars will make you sick.
If happiness were determined by pleasure, then the people with the most money would be the happiest. Actually, there are plenty of miserable millionaires.
Happy family: When social researchers measured happiness levels in Europe and the U.S. recently, they discovered the levels hadn¿t changed since the Forties
I know lots of people who have all the houses and possessions, toys and security money can buy — and none of that makes them any happier than other friends who earn an ordinary wage.
The truth is that once people can afford the basics of life, there’s almost no correlation between wealth and happiness. Indeed, one study found the richest people in America were no happier than Masai tribesmen in East Africa.
Happiness includes pleasure, but it’s something deeper.
More...The secret to happy relationships: PAUL MCKENNA explains how to feel secure and confident at home, at work and with friends
I can make you HAPPY: PAUL McKENNA shows how you can make happiness a habit
Exhausted and fed up as the New Year begins? PAUL McKENNA shows how you can banish the blues... for good
Happiness is a backdrop to your life that makes everyday life rewarding; it gives you strength in hard times and it frees you to enjoy life fully at every opportunity.
However, at all stages of life, a lot of misery is caused by people confusing pleasure with happiness.
SHOPPING
The boundaries got blurred at the beginning of the last century with the rise of consumerism and the promotion of buying on the basis of desire rather than need.
Now, shopping is the No 1 leisure activity in the Western world. And advertising comes at us from all sides to suggest that a watch, car or, indeed, clothes will make us more sophisticated, elegant and cool.
Occasionally, you buy the watch, car or designer label and you do feel pleasure. It doesn’t last for ever, but you can tell that you feel better.
But the real problem with advertising is that it urges us to look outside ourselves for stuff to make us feel good, so it trains our minds to want what we haven’t got.
Happiness, on the other hand, is nourished by noticing what you already have — and appreciating it. So don’t compare the outside of someone else with the inside of you.
AN INSIDE JOB
Values: Paul McKenna builds his life around love, laughter, loyalty, creativity, gratitude and generosity
Over the past 70 years, we’ve had a vast increase in material wealth. We live longer, have far better medical care, more ways of communicating, more art and better housing.
We’ve also managed to create a comfort-driven culture that’s removed a great deal of hard work from our lives. And yet we’re no happier.
When social researchers measured happiness levels in Europe and the U.S. recently, they discovered that the levels hadn’t increased since the Forties.
It’s clear, therefore, that external circumstances don’t determine happiness.
In fact, researchers have found that our external, material circumstances account for only 10 per cent of our happiness.
The research shows that happiness comes not from things and people around us, but from how we respond to them.
True happiness, therefore, is an inside job.
RETRAIN YOUR BRAIN
The fundamental search processes of the brain are continually looking for what we don’t have, and as a result continually overlooking what we already have.
This exercise is a fantastically powerful way to stop you craving what you haven’t got. It’s very simple. Just write down, each day, something for which you’re grateful — such as your health, your family, a beautiful morning, a smile from a stranger or a hug from a friend.
You can use a notebook, computer or smartphone. The important thing is that you’re telling your mind to look for all the good things in your life.
Keeping a daily gratitude journal is equivalent to strengthening your happiness muscles.
When you practise any positive pattern of thought, you reinforce those neural pathways and change your brain chemistry.
That means you can escape from the desires that are promoted by advertising and free yourself to focus on your own values.
GOALS Vs VALUES
It’s important for your happiness to understand the difference between goals and values.
Goals are like a compass: they help you to set a direction in life and to measure your success. One personal goal might be: ‘In ten years time, I want to own a house by the seaside.’
This could be highly motivating — and it will make you happy when you finally hit your goal. But it would be crazy to have to wait ten years to be happy.
Goals should not limit your happiness. You can, however, be happy every day provided you’re living by your values.
These values are the principles and states that you hold in the highest esteem. For some people, they might be religious beliefs; for others, their values might include loyalty or integrity.
Your own happiness is founded on these personal values, which give meaning to your life.
Over the years, I’ve worked with a number of people who were approaching the end of their lives. None of them, I’ve found, looked back and wished that they’d had more money, more cars or bigger houses.
All of them were most grateful for the love of their families, the beauties of the natural world and the joys of friendship. They all wished they’d worried less and laughed more.
But there was one incident, about 15 years ago, that made me focus on my own values.
I was sitting in a restaurant with a friend and he said: ‘We should meet here again in 30 years time.’
This suggestion suddenly sent my imagination soaring into the future. I realised that in 30 years, many of the people I knew and loved would have died.
My body would be less fit. I’d have been working on my career for another three decades.
As these ideas rushed into my head, I remember thinking: ‘I’m going to love and appreciate my family and friends every day, because they won’t all be here in three decades. I’m going to appreciate my health and enjoy each day I live.’
That conversation started me thinking about what I truly valued. Since then, I’ve built my life around the following values, and asked myself these related questions each day:
LOVE: Am I expressing and receiving it?
LAUGHTER: Am I open to laughter and good humour?
LOYALTY: Am I being a good friend, and am I enjoying my friends?
CREATIVITY: Am I expressing and developing my talents?
GRATITUDE: Am I grateful for what I’ve been given?
GENEROSITY: Am I making a positive contribution to the world around me?
I know that if I can tick the ‘yes’ box to all these questions every day, then I’m living a happy life. The next exercise will help you to do the same thing.
KNOWING YOUR VALUES
The next exercise will help you to do the same thing.
1. Ask yourself: ‘What is most important to me?’ For example, it could be your family, career, fame, money, health or relationships.
2. Choose the five most important things in your life. Take each one in turn and ask yourself: ‘What is it about this that is important to me?’ For example, if money is important to you, ask: ‘What is it about money that’s important to me?’ The answer might be ‘security’ or ‘status’. If family is important to you, ask: ‘What’s important to me about family?’ The answer might be ‘enjoying every day’. Ask again: ‘What’s important about that?’ The answer might be ‘love’.
3. Keep asking: ‘What is it about this that’s important to me?’ until you reach the value that drives it.
4. Work through each of your most important things, and write a list of all the values that underpin them. These are your core values.
5. Every day, ask yourself: ‘How can I live my values today?’
6. If you have a decision to
make, ask yourself: ‘What choice can I make that will most support my values?’
7. Make a note now to ask yourself three questions every day for the next week:
(a) Have I lived by my values?
(b) Has my life been enriched?
(c) Do I need to adjust or add another value to my list?
THE BIGGEST LESSON OF ALL
Being happy is simple. Being unhappy is complicated.
I strongly recommend that you keep practising all the techniques I’ve shown you, even if you begin to feel happier straight away.
All of them will enhance your happiness. And sooner or later, when life brings more challenges your way, you’ll be in a much better position to cope.
Remember, too, that when we live happily by our values, we actually make a significant contribution to the wellbeing of those around us.
So don’t keep your happiness to yourself. Spread it around — and make yourself even happier. There’s an old Chinese proverb that I’d like to leave with you:
If you want happiness for an hour — take a nap.
If you want happiness for a day — go fishing.
If you want happiness for a year — inherit a fortune.
If you want happiness for a lifetime — help someone else.::
::EXTRACTED from I CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY by Paul McKenna, published by Bantam at £10.99. © 2011 Paul McKenna::
article was taken from Dma1l with thanks.
Seperti kata penulis diatas, apakah target untuk diri kita? Kaji dan selidiki lah nilai maruah dan tahap moral kita?
Tanyalah diri diri kita dan suara hari kita..
Contoh nya apa yang penting pada diri kita? keluarga, ibu bapa, kerjaya, menjadi orang ternama dan terkenal?, Kesihatan atau perhubungan atau persahabatan?
Pilih beberapa yang paling utama didalam hidup kita. Kaji dan persoalkan didalam diri kita mengapa perkara itu sangat utama pada diri kita? Jika duit sangat penting untuk diri kita persoalkan. Apa duuit lakukan ianya menjadi penting untuk kita...jawapan nya mungkin jaminan hidup yang selesa atau status?jika keluarga persoakan kenapa penting? adakah kerana untuk berdampingan setiap hari? Carilah jawapan yang masuk akal. contoh kerana kasih... bukan untuk menjadi tukang cuci baju, masak dan kemas rumah dan tempat melampiaskan kemarahan dan bad mood serta punching bag kepada anak dan isteris dsbnya..
Jika jawabnya kasih maka kita kena jaga subjek keliling kita dengan kasih sayang, bukan marah marah dan asyik kena veto dari anda. Bini balik kerja nak buat semua dirumah sorang sorang.. Tunjukkan kasih anda dengan membantu dikeliling rumah dsbnya..
Sentiasa menyoal mengapa ini sangat penting buat kita sehinggalah kita mendapat jawaban nilai yang mengukuh kan jawaban persoalan ini.
Kaji semula setiap perkara penting dan tulis senarai semua nilai nilai moral yang terdapat didalamnya. ini adalah nilai asas yang penting.
Kita bangkit dari tidur kita tanya diri kita setiap hari:
Bagaimanakah aku dapat hidup didalam nilai nilai posistif didalam hidup ku hari ini?
Jika kita ada keputusan maka soal diri kita didalam hati. Apa pilihan yang terbaik yang akan membantu nilai nilai positif didalamhidup ini?
Buat nota bagaimana kita perlu menyoal 3 soalan asas setiap hari untuk diri kita..
- adakah kita telah menjalani kehidupan kelmarin berlandaskan nilai nilai positif yang kita mahukan?
-) Sudahkah hidup ini diperkayakan oleh nilai nilai yang kita fikirkan diatas?
-Adakah perlu kita memperbaiki atau menambah nilai nilai positif dan bermoral kepada senarai yang sedia ada?
Seperti kata penulis, kita lakukan latihan ini , lama kelamaan kita akan rasa gembira kerana kita mereflect kembali dan menimbang fakta dengan jelas dan kita akan lebih bersyukur dengan apa yang kita ada dan kehampaan dapat diubati...
Lama kelamaan bila cabaran kehidupan yang lebih besar hampiri kita, kita akan dapat menanganinya dengan lebih baik dan positif.
Ingat juga bila kita hidup berlandaskan nilai yang positif dan bermoral, kita sebenarnya membuat sumbangan kepada semua umat manusia dikeliling kita, bermula dari keluarga.. ahli keluarga kepada manusia disekeliling mereka..(dah dapat pahala tu)..
Jangan simpan nilai dan rahsia kegembiraan pada diri kita sendiri... hebah kan pada yang lain,,,ini akan membuat diri kita bertambah gembira...
Pepatah lama bijak pandai China..
Kalau nak gembira sekejap tidur/rehat sejam.
Kalau nak gembira untuk sehari pergi lah memancing( pergi cari rezekila maksudnya...tangkap ikan dapat ikan, pergi kerja dapat hasil).
Kalau nak gembira setahun warisi atau dapatkan/lakukan sesuatu yang bernilai atau berharga dan berterusan ..
Kalau nak gembira seumur hidup bantulah insan yang lain (buatlah kerja amal/chariti/ tolong orang setiap kali kita nampak kita boleh tolong... Lagi berlipat ganda kegembiraan jika kita lakukan jariah seperti disebut"bila memberi biarkan tangan kiri pun tidak tahu tangan sebelah lagi memberi". Maknanya Sebagai challenge kepada nilai nilai yang baik dan dari segi ugama.. kita cubalah lakukan kebaikan secara diam diam tanpa mencanang canang satu dunia untuk mendapat penghargaan dan apa apa balasan. Jika kita buat sedemikian, kita akan insaf lebih insaf dan tidak akan mudah hanyut.
Kenapa hanyut dan terpesong? Sebab jika kita beriya iya membantu kerja amal dsbnya, kemudian kita canangkan pada satu dunia, kemudian kita berharap sangat mendapat balasan pingat, kebesaran dsbny. Maka pahala amal jariah tadi cuma tinggal dan nampak didunia sahaja lah... Sebab kegembiraan yang digharap dan didapati hanya bersifat material, status dan pangkat sajalah.. Ianya bersifat sementara...
Entahlah..Kebajikan dan kebaikan boleh dilakukan setiap masa tanpa perlu dicanang kan pada sesiapa... hanya diri kita dan Allah swt.....
Kesimpulannya fikirkan matlamat diri kita vs nilai nilai positif diri kita:
Disini saya beri contoh:
Nilai vs matlamat?
Nilai baik didalam diri kita ingin melakukan kebaikan dan membantu orang dengan kerja amal dan menyampaikan ilmu dan idea supaya orang dapat memperbaiki diri mereka.
Matlamat akhir yang kita mahukan diatas semua kerja kerja amal dan menyampaikan idea tadi, adakah kita mahukan pahala saja sebagai saham kita di akhirat nanti? Atau kita mahu mendapat pengiktirafan berbentuk material/wang yang boleh menaikkan darjat dan status kita didunia dan menjadi seorang yang terkenal dan mendapat layanan vip?
Fikirkanlah...
WASSALAM